“Is this a summer fling” is a common question a lot of girls ask themselves in August. Before I met my boyfriend, I would run through a checklist of sorts to see if the person I’d been hanging out with all summer was someone that I was serious about dating. Even with my current boyfriend I did that! (We met over the 4th of July).
Before you have “the conversation” with your fling, think seriously through these three questions. They will help you analyze the relationship to see the real potential.
1. When you hang out, is it mostly alone or in groups?
Boy- “Hey. What’s up?”
Girl- “Nothing much. You?”
Boy- “Nothing. Want to come over?”
This is a typical text conversation I would have on repeat with different guys I would be seeing. Not much for the creative date ideas, instead always taking the easy question of do you want to come over. Now it’s called Netflix & Chill, but it’s still a lazy excuse to hang out.
What you do when you’re together says a lot about the kind of relationship you’re in. If he’s only calling you for a ride or a nightcap at bar close, that’s a red flag that this is only a fling. Or if you always hang out with friends and aren’t making time to be together by yourselves, it could mean this isn’t going towards a relationship (It could also mean you’re both shy and aren’t comfortable being the one to suggest the solo dates, too. Then someone needs to be the assertive one or this relationship will never start).
In a lasting relationship, you want to spend quality time together. This is the time to be out having fun, sharing laughs, and getting to know each other better. If you want your fling to become a relationship, then this is what you should be doing.
2. Does conversation come naturally?
I love to talk and any time I get that awkward silence thrown at me, I try to fill it. When it’s impossible to fill the silence, I start racking my brain for ways to escape the situation.
Is this happening in your relationship?
How the two of you converse says a lot about your relationship. If there’s a lot of awkward silence or you feel like you’re always trying to come up with things to talk about, it can mean you may not have a lot in common. However, it could also mean you are quiet or reserved and may not feel comfortable being yourself yet.
If that’s happening, I suggest going on fun dates to help get you get out of your shell. The standard interview date over dinner can put a lot of pressure on answering the questions “right”. If you would like some date ideas, check out my article on dates to go on before summer ends.
3. Have either of you mentioned seeing other people or being exclusive?
This is a big one. I remember when I asked my boyfriend: we went to lunch and I was so nervous I couldn’t even eat my measly salad (I was also struggling with the menu due to nerves). This is a hard conversation to have because it makes you vulnerable.
But it is SO necessary! This is the only way to tell if you’re wasting your time.
If you’re still nervous about being the one to ask, you can ask yourself these questions. They help analyze his seriousness without putting you in an uncomfortable situation.
*Does he ask about your day or attempt to talk to you on the regular?
When you really like someone, you find yourself thinking about them more often than not in the beginning of a relationship. You wonder what they’re up to or start thinking of the next time you can hang out. Hopefully, this is happening on both ends.
I hate playing the “who text first” game (Mostly because I hate dating games), but sometimes it’s necessary to look at. If you are the one who makes most of the initiative or he will go days without reaching out, it could be a sign that he isn’t as invested as you. The only way to know for sure is to ask.
*Is he ok with photos or tags on social media?
I remember finding out my college boyfriend had 2 girlfriends on social media (Thank goodness my roommate still had a MySpace). Now we have major platforms, Snapchat, Instagram, & Twitter, to add to our social media drama.
Social media is a huge part of our society. It’s how we tell our friends/family what we are doing and who we are. Some of us like certain platforms more than others, but we all are connected in some way. So we can be cautious of posting certain things or conscientious of who’s going to see our posts.
If he gets mad if you feature him on your Snap Story or in an Instagram post, it could mean that he doesn’t want certain people seeing it. Whether that’s because he’s not exclusive or he isn’t ready for that step, you need to ask.
*Does he make plans with you?
My boyfriend is not a planner. But when we were first dating, I would still require he make plans with me in order to see me. If you are like my boyfriend, you can still require the person you’re seeing to ask you to hang out over the weekend. Just like how we choose who we talk to, we also choose who we hang out with.
I like to have the decision made earlier in the week, because I don’t want to be a last resort. Even worse, I don’t want it to be assumed I’m sitting there waiting at the ready. Requiring them to make plans with you allows you to show them that you have a full life that they can choose to be a part of or not.
Summer is the best time to find love. And sometimes it comes when we least expect it. Being mindful and asking the hard questions can help us find lasting relationships. The questions only get more intense with each new dating step, so get comfortable enough with each other to start asking them now.