We’ve all heard that we need relationship standards when we’re dating, but sometimes that’s easier said than done.
I have read Matthew Hussey’s book Get the Guy multiple times. He drills in setting relationship standards. I’ve always been able to set them, but sometimes I let them slide when I meet certain guys. And that’s a problem. The standards are in place to protect you from getting anything less than what you deserve ( I always ended up with a broken heart when I lowered my standards).
We all have different things we expect from a relationship and things we look for in our counterparts. However, these are 5 Must Have relationship standards that you should be setting before dating anyone:
1. Must take you out:
The number one requirement I have when a guy asks me out, is that he has to do just that: take me out. This has nothing to do with making someone spend money on your or getting a free meal (I don’t always like to go to dinner on a date). It has everything to do with seeing how the guy you just met is as a person.
It’s a high priority for a guy to take you out, because he’s taking you in public. You’re able to have a conversation without worrying about him making an inappropriate move like you would be on his couch. It also shows him that you expect a little effort on his end before you will want to move things on in the relationship.
Not only that, but this is the FUN part (One of my favorite things about dating is the dates. That’s the only reason to have a Tinder). You can get out in a relaxed, neutral environment and get to know each other (Check out my article on end of summer date ideas if you want some new places to try).
2. Must be independent:
One summer, I dated a guy that didn’t have a car or a license. He also owed a lot of debt to society so he couldn’t pay for things most of the time (Luckily, my interest in bad boys was brief). It was after this that I enacted a checklist of sorts that all guys had to have before we’d could date. It included things like must have a car, driver’s license, job, and place to live (preferably not his parents).
This is important to have because it shows you what kind of guy he is. Does he have motivation? Is he stable? Able to pay his own bills and hold a job? How he lives his life now is a good representation of how he will live if you are in a long-term relationship. Make sure it’s something that you would be ok with.
3. Must Follow through:
When my boyfriend tells me he’s planning a super cute date, I get really excited. I envision how it will go and build up anticipation until it happens. Nothing is more crushing than if the date doesn’t happen.
Once in a while this is going to happen, because life happens. But if broken promises becomes a repeat occurrence, you need to set the standard that this is not something that you will tolerate. If it continues, then you should end the relationship since he’s not reliable and only sees you as a welcome mat to walk all over.
4. Must have similar values:
This is one of Matthew Hussey’s main points in his book Get the Guy. Any person you date needs to have similar values to you in life. If you’re a career driven person who values position and monetary gains, you need a counterpart that feels the same. If you love to hang out with your family every week and can’t wait to start you own, they need to have the same desires.
Values are the things we see as most important in life. The only way to have a lasting relationship is to have similar values. Having differences is ok, but when they stretch into how you value life, it may be a sign that you should look elsewhere.
5. Must treat you with respect:
We learn in grade school that we need to respect ourselves and others, but even as adults we need reminded. When you picture relationships in your life, how do you expect to feel around those people?
It’s important to feel loved, safe to be yourself, and happy when you’re in relationships. If you feel less than this (I mean overall, not in a tiny moment because you had a tiff), then you may want to reconsider whether your standards are being met. This is also a two-way street. You have to give respect to expect it.
Don’t be scared that you’re going to turn a man off for having standards. Guys actually find women with them sexier, because it shows that you love and respect yourself. If you haven’t read it yet, check out Matthew Hussey’s book Get the Guy. It’s my favorite relationship book (And I’ve read a lot).